Last week’s article introduced Glasser’s Choice Theory and Reality Therapy (CTRT) and the 5 basic needs that we each continuously try to satisfy by realising pictures in our Quality World.
This second article will focus on an unfortunately common phenomenon at work: frustration.
We’ve all heard about, or maybe even lived through, endlessly frustrating workplace situations like the micromanaging boss or the 16-hour work-day. CTRT offers a robust way of understanding why these situations frustrate some (but not all) of us.
The Micromanaging Boss
Suppose your boss, Mary, is a textbook micromanager — she wants half-hourly progress updates about the report you’re working on, prescribes exactly how to do every aspect of your job, and gets outraged when you deviate ever so slightly. I’d imagine most people would feel frustrated by having to work under Mary’s tyrannical reign, but each individual’s reasons might differ in nuanced ways.
Someone with a high need for freedom might be most upset about not having the autonomy to choose when and how they complete each task. They might feel trapped, like a caged bird or leashed dog, having to follow their puppet master step by step. In other words, their current experience working with Mary deviates greatly from the picture in their Quality World where they have control over their time and get to explore new ways to complete their daily tasks.
Someone with a high need for power might be most upset about the micromanagement — Mary’s overly detailed instructions which seem to drive home the message that she does not trust them to do a good job. They might feel belittled and looked down upon, perhaps imagining themselves being coddled like a child. Their working relationship with Mary deviates greatly from the picture in their Quality World where they are trusted to make decisions and complete their tasks as they see fit.
On the other hand, someone with a high survival need, exhibited by a strong preference for structure and stability, might be perfectly content working with Mary. They might perceive the check-ins as support and the prescriptions as guidance; her micromanagement in fact satisfying the picture in their Quality World where their manager creates clear structure and blueprints for task completion.
The insight here is that everyone perceives situations differently. We feel frustrated when our lived experience deviates significantly from corresponding pictures in our Quality World, that is, when what we encounter differs from what we want. Since we have unique pictures in each of our Quality Worlds, different individuals might feel frustrated in a given situation in different ways and for different reasons, while others might even feel deeply satisfied.
Fortunately, in the world of management consulting, it’s pretty rare to have a micromanaging boss. Due to the rigorous recruitment process and the fast pace of most consulting projects, managers tend to trust their consultants to tackle problems as they see fit.
The 16-Hour Work-Day
Ultra-long work-days are a scenario that might be more common in the consulting industry, especially during crunch periods.
If long work-days are grinding you down, it’s important for you to figure out for yourself what exactly it is about them that frustrates you. It could be your need for:
- Survival – you struggle to get a good night’s rest
- Love and belonging – long days reduce your opportunity to connect meaningfully with loved ones
- Power – the grind of routine work hinders you from developing competence and making a positive impact
- Freedom – the work itself is wonderful, but being told exactly how to spend your time and complete your tasks sucks the joy out of something that you had been passionate about
- Fun – you lack time to pursue your personal hobbies
Figuring out what exactly frustrates you is a crucial step towards figuring out what exactly you want. Indeed, a core element of CTRT is clarifying for yourself what pictures you have in your Quality World. That is, what do you really want?
For myself, I have found that my top needs are love and belonging, and power. If these needs are met at work, I’m generally not too bothered even by long work-days. For example, even when my team had to stay late to rush out client presentation decks, I felt satisfied as long as I had strong relationships with my teammates. There was something heartening about the camaraderie, teamwork, and connection we experienced, which satisfied my need for love and belonging. To offer another example, in 2024 I developed an employee wellness needs diagnostic to help managers identify their teams’ top unmet needs and facilitate meaningful conversations to work towards meeting those needs. Since I viewed this as a passion project, it satisfied my need for power in that I felt I was making a positive impact; time flew by as I worked on it, even into the wee hours.
My personal moments of satisfaction and frustration clued me into what I really want at work. It wasn’t necessarily about how many hours I worked in a day; what was more important was the relationships I could build with people and the positive influence I could create through my work.
As I continue to gain clarity on these matters, I hope to slowly progress towards industries and workplaces where I feel less frustration and more satisfaction; and you can do the same!
The bottom line
You may experience frustrations at work when dealing with micromanaging bosses or long work-days.
By using CTRT to reflect on these frustrations, you can gain clarity into the pictures in your Quality World and start to pinpoint your top needs.
In the final article of this series, we will consolidate our understanding of these concepts and revisit the topic of pursuing balance in life.
Lucas Foo graduated from the University of Oxford with First Class Honours in Psychology, Philosophy, and Linguistics. He is a certified Choice Theory and Reality Therapy (CTRT) practitioner keen on creating real and positive impact.
Image: DALL-E
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