Welcome to the third and last article in this introductory series on Choice Theory and Reality Therapy (CTRT)!
In this article, we will focus on pursuing balance in life from a CTRT perspective.
As a quick recap:
- In the first article, we highlighted that achieving balance in life is all about meeting 5 basic needs, and that our work satisfies each of us in different ways through realising pictures in our unique Quality Worlds.
- In the second article, we examined how certain scenarios at work might frustrate different people in different ways because we each have different needs.
Equipped with this understanding, we are now ready to delve deeper into the original article on pursuing balance in life — expanding on key quotes and offering additional insights.
The Problem with “Always-on” Work Culture
There is more to work-life balance than reducing the number of hours spent in the office … Even if you’re technically off the clock, you might still experience pressure to respond to emails or messages on Teams. This can sap your mental energy slowly but surely by making you feel as if you’re always on call; that work is always looming over your shoulder.
Being pestered by work-related tasks outside of official work hours is likely to frustrate us in much the same way as a 16-hour work-day — the unwelcome Teams message could create an obstacle to meeting your needs by interrupting a good night’s rest, a meaningful date night, a moment of flow while writing an article, a calming yoga session, time with friends, or any number of things you enjoy pursuing to meet your needs.
Setting Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries and logging off is one key strategy for pursuing balance in life.
It is important to set clear boundaries between work and life to protect your mental energy, maintain focus, and sustain long-term productivity.
Some workplaces have established a right to disconnect, where emails and messages are not sent or responded to outside of hours or on weekends. While this may be difficult to achieve in a fast-paced consulting context, you could instead consider silencing work-related notifications at night, such as between 9pm and 6am, or setting an expectation about how long it will take you to respond by setting an “out of office” notification.
Blocking off time each day is a concrete way to make time for what matters to you and realise pictures in your Quality World without interruption.
What should you do during this time, you might ask?
Well, you have to figure it out for yourself since the pictures in your Quality World are entirely unique.
Take a few moments to listen to your own intuition, and tune-in to which of your needs is most unmet. It could be your need for:
- Survival – Get some rest and relaxation
- Love and belonging – Reconnect with loved ones
- Power – Publish an article, learn a new language, or gain a sense of achievement from winning a game of online poker
- Freedom – Go for an aimless walk and wander around the neighbourhood
- Fun – Watch a Netflix stand-up comedy special
Remember that you are the expert on what you want and need at any given point in time; what looks like rest for someone else might look like torture to you, and vice-versa.
An additional point is that the act of blocking out time itself can be a powerful way to reclaim a sense of agency. In the busy corporate world where so many things demand your attention and time, blocking out your calendar can be a poignant reminder that you are ultimately in control of your own life. This act itself has helped me satisfy my need for power and freedom at points in my life when I’ve felt overwhelmed!
Despite the importance of setting boundaries, it goes without saying that you should not be shirking duties and evading responsibilities when a project deadline needs to be met that very night! You have to make your own judgement call on when is a good moment to block out time for yourself.
It might take a few months of calibration, but with some effort, you can discover a healthy balance that works for you.
Focusing on Self-care
Self-care doesn’t have to be as time-consuming as you might imagine … It is an utter myth that you are too busy for self-care. It is so unbelievably easy and convenient if you can just be intentional about it.
At its core, self-care is all about focusing on your internal locus of control to satisfy pictures in your Quality World as best as you can given the time and resources you possess.
Suppose your survival need is unmet because you’ve had to pull a couple of all-nighters recently. Maybe you’re feeling lethargic, but don’t have the time to take a nice long nap. Consider other ways to meet this need that are within your control. For example:
- Taking a 10-minute power nap
- Doing a 10-minute guided meditation or grounding exercise
- Doing some simple stretches or a basic yoga practice
While this might not fully satisfy you, it is a good and important step in the right direction.
Suppose your love and belonging need is unmet because you don’t get along well with your colleagues. Maybe you crave meaningful connection, but don’t have the time to reconnect with a friend over a long dinner. Instead, you might consider:
- Video-calling a close friend and chatting for 10 minutes
- Playing a quick card game with your housemate
- Ranting in an active group chat with your friends and chatting for a bit
You can of course apply analogous strategies to satisfy your unmet power, freedom, and fun needs.
The key mindset shift here is that you don’t have to achieve your biggest, most time-consuming desire to satisfy your needs, especially considering these salient pictures in our Quality World are often unrealistic. Rather, you can meet your needs by achieving smaller, more realistic pictures in your Quality World through means that are entirely in your control.
Seeking Personal Growth
It is advantageous for consultants to look for chances for personal development … Go to a pottery class! Learn some break dancing! Try out stand-up comedy! These non-work-related growth opportunities can help to remind you that life is so much more than just work and that there is room for your passions if you make the room.
The last recommendation I made in the original article was to seek personal growth because this is often a great way to satisfy multiple needs at the same time.
I’ve personally picked up yoga over the past few years and it’s been a wonderful need-satisfying experience, even if it does not directly contribute to my professional competencies. Through yoga, I have developed greater functional strength, mobility, and balance that in turn lead to lesser body pain — this satisfies my survival need. Attending classes with friends and bonding with like-minded peers over yoga satisfies my love and belonging need. Getting better at flowing between poses and learning more advanced ones like the crane pose satisfies my power need. Tuning into the different sensations in my body in different poses and using my creativity to invent new progressions satisfies my freedom need. Experiencing the joy of personal improvement and deepening my connection with my mind and body satisfies my need for fun.
My point is not that everyone should get into yoga, though I think it’s worth a try! Rather, you should adopt an open-minded approach to trying new things and pursuing new experiences. You never know what you might find satisfying in a life-changing way!
The bottom line
By understanding and pursuing the pictures in your unique Quality World, you can find fulfilment not just in work, but across all aspects of life.
The journey towards life balance isn’t about perfection; it’s about intentionality, boundaries, and growth.
As you reflect on your own needs, remember: balance begins with the choices you make.
Feel free to reply with any questions or comments you might have!
Lucas Foo graduated from the University of Oxford with First Class Honours in Psychology, Philosophy, and Linguistics. He is a certified Choice Theory and Reality Therapy (CTRT) practitioner keen on creating real and positive impact.
Image: DALL-E
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